Like every time one puts themselves out there, chances are a massive urge for approval and acceptance overwhelms every single inch of that person. No I’m not saying it happens to everyone, yes it’s called insecurity, and no I’m not going to make a competition out of it.
All I’m saying is: it’s human, and I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t happen to me all the time. Every-single-one-of-them.
So of course I experience that feeling every time I post something on this website too. And every single time self-doubting questions start growing nice and strong: Is anyone going to read it? Is anyone going to like it? Is it really the case to have this blog in the first place anyways? Who do I think I am? Is it really the case to consider my words so important? Aren’t they ridiculous? Oh well, name one, chances are it’s there.
When everything cools down and I manage to quite my mind a bit, I realise there’s nothing different between this sort of “not-good-enough” fear and the general hopeless feeling according to which the entire world is bound to a tragic end and we can’t do anything to save it because we don’t count enough. “The important people” are others, not us.
That feeling I experience is just the tiny seed our society and all its monetary values waters and spoils to make it grow tall, strong and well rooted in order to numb any sort of critical thought, action or feeling I could use to make a difference. That anyone of us can use.
We are the indifferent, buyers, polluters, haters and war makers who make it all possible. Or the other way around. That’s up to us.
Whether you like it or not, whether it’s easier to deny it or not, change is made by every single one of us. Even when we do nothing, we are in the midst of a change and we are doing something for it. So whether we do it with a purpose, or we just follow the crowds, we are making a difference in one direction or the other. Which is either a Catch 22 or a greatly empowering thing (you choose!).
To embrace a change that doesn’t involve the majority is hard, it takes a lot of effort and coherence and extreme dedication, yet it is possible. As possible as all the other changes are. And I’m a strong believer in this.
The fact that the world is never going to change because human beings are human beings is as much as an excuse as to say that boys will be boys or that girls are weak.
And the more I get informed and I use the tools I have at my disposal to connect with other men and women all over the world, the more I have the proof that what I’m saying is true.
These are dark, pitch black times. Yet, they can also be bright, blinding times. It’s a matter of how we use our means and capacities, whichever they are. It’s a matter of what seeds we choose to cultivate.
So, at the end of the day, here’s my manifesto: if in my whole lifetime even one person reads my words and feels inspired, agrees, decides to embrace the difference they make and start adopting a loving, caring, respectful behaviour to other people and this world we live in, then it’s worth it a thousand anxious moments and a thousand self-doubting seeds. It’s worth the embarrassment and the not-good-enough hustling. It’s worth the huge emotional effort.
If you feel defeated and think it’s too late to shift the directions of your actions, I promise you it’s not like that. Always remember that the way you do something already makes a difference: if you choose to mind and care about other people, if you choose to vote and what you choose to vote for, what you choose to buy (or not to buy), recycling, reusing, kindness.
Think about what drives your love the most, about your greatest passion, about your abilities. Just pick one (or even the only tiny, mini one you could think of) and use it to spread an ideal of respect, share, compassion and gratitude.
You already are in the big game, you might as well start playing for the team you route for.